Zack Snyder’s long anticipated Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice opens tomorrow, and though this critic has not yet seen it, I am able to say with great confidence that it will neither be as bad as many comics fans expect, nor as good as those fans demand. If the film does defy the odds and turns out to be either the greatest or worst film ever made, just be cool about it. To reiterate, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, will be neither the greatest or worst film of all time, but just in case, let’s run through the appropriate behavior for either of those contingencies.
SCENARIO A: Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is the worst movie ever made.
Hopefully you’ve kept your expectations low and are not overly disappointed. So what if Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is the worst movie ever made. This is not the last Batman or Superman movie that we will ever get. Neither of these characters will be forever ruined, the properties that you love will continue to exist. We’ll always have The Dark Knight. Ben Affleck, probably the actor suffering the closest scrutiny of any in Batman v. Superman, no matter how good or bad he is in the film, will not deserve to be treated as the man who defiled Batman. Mr. Affleck will continue to be a fine actor who has turned in numerous capable, if not mind-blowing, performances, and he will continue to do so. Let’s not forget about Wonder Woman! The Wonder Woman film is in production and is slated for release next year, no matter how good or bad Batman v. Superman turns out, it will result in female-driven superhero film at long last. There is a silver lining.
SCENARIO B: Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is the best movie ever.
Gravy! We have a new masterpiece to pore over ad infinitum. We can look forward to sequels for the remainder of our natural lives. However, no matter how great a movie may be, it will always have its detractors. Hell, Devin Feraci, the terrific critic at Birth.Movies.Death.com didn’t like The Dark Knight (he’s wrong). Though these critics may disparage the thing you love, they are not deserving of personal attacks via twitter, e-mail or message board. Even more importantly, if a critic who does not care for Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice happens to be a woman like, say, the wonderful Amy Nicholson of MTV News, or Tasha Robinson of theverge.com, your online dissent from that critic’s opinion should not come clothed in misogyny and/or threats of physical and sexual violence. You can take that piece of advice and apply it to every aspect of your life: Don’t be a misogynist asshole. Hey, you liked the movie; you don’t need everyone else to like it too.
SCENARIO C (the likely one): Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is generally unexceptional.
Zack Snyder continues to be a creator of good-looking mediocrities. We can hope that the filmmakers, the actors, and the studio learn from the mistakes of Batman v. Superman and apply those lessons going forward. But you can be sure that whether Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is the worst movie ever made, the best movie ever made, or is somewhere in between, we can look forward to sequels for the remainder of our natural lives.