Bartolo Colon is 43 years old and is in his 19th season of playing professional baseball. He’s been around for a long time, and as an above average pitcher for most of that run. He even got a Cy Young nod. He’s achieved cult fandom status in baseball now, where people who do not follow his team or his career still appreciate hearing about the exploits of Bartolo Colon. Much of the appreciation for Colon stems from his, um, “beefiness”. He just doesn’t look like he should be a highly successful baseball player when you look at him and then look around at his peers. He also has a body that few would have expected to hold up as long as it did. But here he is, pitching in 2016 with a 3.01 ERA as of this writing. Oh, and he makes some insanely unexpected plays in the field too.
But while we can appreciate the stats, it’s the moments Bartolo had brought into our lives that really makes him special. On May 7th of this year Bartolo hit his first ever home run. Enjoy:
A company that makes limited edition collectables decided to commemorate the feat by producing a Bartolo Colon Bobblehead. It had the usual bobbling head, but it also had an added feature: a bobbling belly. People had a good laugh about that, and Colon likely didn’t take offense. He seems to be ok with poking a little fun. But here’s our beef with the Bartolo Colon bobblehead: The head was nowhere near big enough.
The average bobblehead features an exaggerated head, you know, for optimum bobbling. But Bartolo Colon’s head was already in its own league. Look at that melon!
It’s not made any smaller by the poof of curly hair either. If we are not mistaken, Bartolo Colon appears to share the same barber as Muammar Gaddifi.
And it’s not just the appearance. Colon’s head is so large it cannot be contained by helmets, a safety device designed specifically to stay on the head!
So if an average player’s bobblhead features a head that’s about the size of a golf ball, the Bartolo Colon bobblehead should have a head about the size of tennis ball.
Here’s the marketing tagline “Bartolo Colon Bobblehead: Now with anatomically proportional head!”